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As much as New Year’s resolutions get a bad rap from some folks, I just love the holiday itself and the process of setting a yearly goal. There is something so wonderful and refreshing about ending one chapter and welcoming whatever comes next with a cheer and a glass (bottle) of bubbles..
A few years ago I decided to switch up the way I think about my New Year’s Resolutions. In the past I had always chosen to focus on my health or finances but I wondered what would happen if I changed my focus from those things to my mentality. So, without further ado, here are a few, we’ll call them “alternative”, resolutions to consider making this year:
Resolve to stop answering the question “How are you?” with “Busy!”
This was the first NYR I made that I actually worked on and kept not only through the year but beyond that. What inspired my resolution was the realization that everyone is busy. No one cares. People aren’t asking about my schedule when they inquire about how I am. Either they are just being polite or they want to know how I REALLY am and the answer “busy” isn’t the best I can do in either of those scenarios. So, how am I? I’m blessed. I’m working hard but learning a lot. I’m enjoying watching my kids grow and learn. I’ve started cooking more. I’m working on an interesting project at work. My spouse and I are planning a trip etc. All better answers than “busy”. Something else to consider beyond how giving “busy” as an answer impacts others, is how it impacts me. If several times a day I’m bemoaning the fullness of my life, what signal am I sending my own brain? That I’m overwhelmed? That I don’t have a choice how I spend my time but am a prisoner of my schedule? No thank you. That’s not how I choose to experience or speak about my life and if you relate to giving that answer too often, consider trying this resolution on for size.
Resolve to be kinder to yourself.
I have a saying and it goes like this “give yourself the same grace you so freely give to others”. Do you treat yourself with the same love and care that you do a family member or cherished friend? Hell, do you treat yourself with the same respect that you treat the cashier at the grocery store? So often, we hold ourselves to impossible standards, set ourselves up for failure, agree to things that we know will stress us out in the end and you know what? I’m SO OVER IT.
Full disclosure, this was my resolution this year and I couldn’t have chosen a better year to give myself an extra dose of grace because it has been a doozy of a year- really more like 18 months but who’s counting. Never the less, it was great timing to readjust my self-talk and the things I say about myself both in my head and to others. While I’m still not perfect in this area, I’ve made some improvements that I’m really proud of. Even more proud than if I’d lost those last 10 lbs.
Resolve to take your time back.
From people that don’t lift you up. From habits that aren’t moving you closer to your goals. From living life inefficiently. From the false notion that it all has to get done now and must be done just so. From spending mental energy procrastinating instead of just getting it done. Take your time back because the next 365 days are yours and how you spend your time is your choice. So, if you want to crush your goals in the coming year, put your phone down and do what you need to do to get even just one inch closer to those dreams.
Life is short, too short to waste it away doing things you don’t really want to be doing with people who don’t support your goals or the future you want to create for yourself. We’ve all heard the age-old adage that we are a combination of the five people we spend the most time with and while I have no idea if there is any scientific backup of this claim, I definitely know it to be true in my own life. So who do you want to be? Who do you need to give more space in your life to get there? Who do you need to take a little space from? It isn’t easy, but it also isn’t all that hard. Not if your goals are as important to you as they will need to be for you to make them happen.
Resolve to drop the word “should”.
Recently I watched the Tony Robbins documentary, I’m not Your Guru, on Netflix. Near the end, he asks the audience what the question of their life is. He said that everyone has one question they ask themselves more than any other. Mine immediately popped into my brain- “What should I do?”. This question bounces around in my head nonstop with relation to every move I make, every single decision. And honestly, it’s exhausting. I’ve realized that behind the question is a deeper meaning and it is my belief that there is always an optimal next move or a “right” answer. But that isn’t always how life is. Yes, there is black and there is white but there are often a million shades of grey between.
I’ve been working on changing my question for a while now. Since before I even identified it as “my question”. But what should my new question be? There is that word again… “should”. Let me rephrase that. What do I WANT my question to be? It sounds like the same thing but is actually very different because I’m taking the power away from the ideal. A few new questions I’m trying on for size are “What do I want to do?” or “Will this bring me joy?” or “Does this decision bring me closer to my dreams?” Life is short. Too short to live for other people’s ideas of what good looks like. Too short to go on making decisions like there are a finite number of choices, one being right and all the rest wrong.
Resolve to create a new ritual that brings you joy.
My favorite mug, my favorite spot, one of my favorite little rituals.
If I were to sum up all my goals into one phrase it would be “to live the live I’ve imagined” which is why I chose that as my blog name. I think sometimes we tend to focus on the big parts of how we imagine the lives we want to live: where we will live, what our jobs will be, how we will spend our time. But just important as the big things are the snippets of time in your day where you experience a little joy, comfort or peace. As an example, my morning coffee on the weekends is a moment I look forward to all week long. While my weekday mornings tend to be rushed and more on the hectic side, I try to keep my weekend mornings as leisurely as possible.
It’s possible to work little rituals into your day with a little effort and creativity. One habit I’ve added to my weekday routine is walking outside past a fountain everyday as I walk between the onsite daycare at my office and my desk. When the weather permits, the 3 minutes of fresh air and solitude of the early morning are a nice calming start to my work day after what is usually a noisy and sometimes stressful commute and kid drop-off.
Another little five-minute ritual I’ve started is writing in journal each day. I’m using Rachel Hollis’ start today journal which is perfect if you have some big goals you are trying to get really intentional about making progress towards.
Bonus: Resolve to pet your dog more.
Our doggie Louie who just loves this resolution!
This bonus idea was actually my resolution a few years ago, all be it reminiscent of a 90’s abstinence campaign (anyone else remember “Pet your dog, not your date? No? Just me? Nevermind.) We had a new baby and I felt like the dogs weren’t getting the level of cuddles they were accustomed to. Once I actually made the resolution and started making an effort to pet the little guys more, I realized it was just as beneficial for me as it was for the pups. A pause to pet a dog (or cat if that’s your thing) is time well spent!
I’m dying to know- what is your New Year’s resolution?
My “word” which I wasn’t going to do, is “health.”
The question I’m going to ask is what would Faith (vs. fear) have me do? Also, what does my soul want/need?
Love this. Need to check out that journal. Do you have a link?
Follow @msrachelhollis and @starttodayjournal on Instagram to see when they release a new set. I think they are all sold out until the Spring release! I love your “word”. I will have to think about what my word is for this year…
I love this Sis..Thanks for writing this, its so inspiring. I can relate so much to the take your time back and be kinder to yourself! It sometimes feels that we live in this constant push and pull dynamic that if you are not self aware, it can drag you into a vicious cycle of it’s never good enough or being a perfection seeker. Although I consider continuous improvements as of my strengths, I learned not to overuse it because they can quicikly become a weakeness, and drag me to that awful path; instead I focus on embracing my journey, my progress, trust the lord and the process, and believe that my dreams will continue to become true, because I have no reasons to believe they will not, other than my self doubt.. So my self drive for continuous improvement is my strength and what most people see ( and to be honest what i used to believe too) but I learned that my faith and self conficence is what actually drives me to achieve what one may perceive as too big of a dream for a Venezuelan dreamer teenage girl! All those dreams have come true and exceeded my own expectations! Thanks again for this post….
PS: I’m a fan of @rachelhollis too, just finished the last chapter of her Girl wash your face book! her journal sold out so fast, was crazy!
You are such an inspiration to me, sis! I agree on continuous improvement being both a strength and a weakness depending on how you let that drive impact you and your life. Sometimes it is a trap we fall into and don’t allow ourselves to just enjoy the moment. I’m working on it too! I’m so lucky to have so many inspiring women in my life.