Have you ever known someone who, just by their mere existence, and no fault of their own, made you feel like less of a success or that your life was somehow less than? Years ago I experienced that feeling which led to an important turning-point in my life.
Let me start this story by saying, I don’t consider myself an envious person. Very rarely do I look at someone I know or come to know of and wish for what they have. That was, until I met HER. Let’s call her “Mandy” (cough cough because that’s really her name). She was a colleague of mine very early in my professional beauty career. I was in my mid 20’s, she in her late 30’s and from the first time I met her, I felt drawn to her. She was confident but not cocky. She was smart, sophisticated, beautiful and… wait for it… NICE. She had a warm and simultaneously unapologetic way of telling you the truth and/or teaching you something fascinating in every conversation. She was and I’m certain, still is, pretty much everything.
But wait, there’s more. She was the daughter of a very successful father who was co-founder of a household name brand, so needless to say, her family had resources. Not only that, but she was married to a husband with a great job. Word on the street was that she worked “for fun” (what!?) and really just to have the ability to fund her hobby of decorating her house as she wanted without needing her husband’s approval.
Fast forward a couple of years and I was visiting Austin for work and she generously offered to let me stay with her instead of a hotel. As I pulled up to her three-story, modern, south Austin located home, my heart panged with an unpleasant emotion I wasn’t accustomed to. I ignored it and rang the bell. She came to the door and proceeded to usher me through her stylish and impeccably clean and decorated home, room by room. I sensed the feeling growing in my chest as we made our way to the kitchen where she poured us glasses of wine and we sat and talked. She was fabulous and it was unfairly effortless for her. I wanted to be her. I wanted her life and all at once I was hit with a feeling so unpleasant, I almost didn’t recognize myself. It was pure, uncensored, uncontrollable jealousy.
I went to bed that night, in my trendy Japanese low-profile guest bed, and lay there staring at the ceiling. Thoughts racing through my mind. How is this fair? Why does she get this life and I feel like I have to struggle and claw every step of the way to make one inch of progress (I was a little bit dramatic in my 20’s- but who wasn’t)? I fell asleep that night wishing for an answer and trying to make peace with the unexpected negative emotions I was experiencing towards someone I genuinely liked. I woke up in the morning with a calm and perfect clarity. With words ringing in my head- “You can choose. Choose to be jealous or choose to be inspired. Choose to be envious, or choose to see this person and every successful or fortunate person as proof of all of the abundance and elegance that life has to offer. You get to choose.” Is it just me or does that seem like a non-choice when you think of it that way?
Since that day, anytime I sense that feeling sneaking into my chest, I ask myself if I want to experience a negative emotion- jealousy, or a positive emotion- inspiration. This simple mindset shift has changed how I experience the success and fabulousness of others. Each of our lives are so unique and our paths and stories are complex and incomparable. They say comparison is the death of joy- and if that’s true, then I say- inspiration is the birth of joy. So Mandy, wherever you are, thanks for the inspiration, girl.